I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
