went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
