I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
