yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
