Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
