Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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