from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
and you fell through a lawn chair
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
