Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
