I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
