if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
