Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
