You made me cry and you don't even care
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
