a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
