YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
