I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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