he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
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