I want to make a zoo with you.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
