yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
