And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
