Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i dont even know how to be here
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
