At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
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