I hope mine doesn't look like that
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
