Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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