I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
