I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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