the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
