I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize