Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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