I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
