There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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