Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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