yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
