she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
