I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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