it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize