ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize