Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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