I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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