I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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