I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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