I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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