just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
