I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I wish there were birth control emojis
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
