So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize