Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
