I was born with a shot glass in my hand
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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