whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
