I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
