I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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