i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize