In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
