remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Randomize
