I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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