Porn is love you can see.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
