you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
