Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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