Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
