tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
