dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
