Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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