Ambien. No doubt about it.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
