how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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