if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
