Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
