just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
