not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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