Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
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