I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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