The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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