No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Randomize
