How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
