ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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