When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
